Long distance relationship games: what to play live, across time zones, or over text
The best long distance relationship games fit your schedule, not just your mood. If you can get on a video call together, play something live: twenty questions, the 36 questions, draw and guess, or a word chain. If time zones mean you're rarely awake at the same time, play a slow game with one turn a day, like chess by message or hiding a pin on a map of your city. And if all you have is the odd minute between meetings, play something that works over text, like two truths and a lie.
Below are rules for each one. They work for a partner, a best friend in another country, or a sibling who moved away.
Quick pick: which game fits your schedule?
| Your schedule | Play | Time it takes |
|---|---|---|
| You can call at the same time | Twenty questions, the 36 questions, draw and guess, word chain, would you rather | 10 to 45 minutes |
| Different time zones, little overlap | Chess by message, hide a pin in your city, the one-line story, close-up photo guessing | A minute a day, for days or weeks |
| Busy, but texting all day | Two truths and a lie, this or that | Seconds per turn |
Games to play live on a video call
These need you both on a call at the same time. Voice works for most; draw and guess needs video.
1. Twenty questions
One of you, the answerer, thinks of something. The other asks questions that can only be answered "yes" or "no." Guess it within 20 questions and you win and become the next answerer. Run out and the answerer has stumped you and goes again. No lying (Wikipedia).
Long distance twist: only pick things from your partner's day ("something on my desk," "someone at my work"). You learn a lot about a life you can't see.
2. The 36 questions
Not a game with a winner, more a structured conversation. The questions come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness." Pairs of strangers who asked each other these questions reported a bigger increase in closeness than pairs who asked small-talk questions (Greater Good in Action, UC Berkeley).
The questions come in three sets that get more personal as you go. Take turns asking questions from Set I for a third of your time, move to Set II even if you haven't finished, then Set III. Plan on about 45 minutes. The first question: "Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?"
The Berkeley page suggests meeting in person; a video call is the next best thing. Make sure you're both up for sharing personal things first.
3. Draw and guess
You each need paper and a pen. One person thinks of a word or phrase, draws it, and holds the drawing up to the camera while the other guesses. Set a timer: a minute is about right. No letters or numbers in the drawing, and no hints out loud.
To make it about you two, draw only things from your shared history: the place you met, a meal you had together, the bad hotel.
4. Word chain (geography edition)
Take turns saying a word that starts with the last letter of the previous word. In the geography version, every word has to be a place: a country, city, state, river or lake (Wikipedia). "Canada" leads to "Austin," which leads to "Nairobi." No repeats. Give each turn a five-second limit, and whoever can't answer loses the round.
It's a good game for couples in different countries: you'll each know places the other doesn't.
5. Would you rather
One of you asks a "Would you rather...?" question with two options; the other answers and says why. For long distance, aim at the future ("live by the sea or in a big city?"). It's a light way to talk about where you might end up.
Slow games across time zones (one turn a day)
When one of you goes to bed as the other wakes up, play one move at a time. The steady back and forth is part of the point.
6. Chess by message
Playing chess by mail is older than the telephone. The game is called correspondence chess, and one of the older documented games was played in 1804 between The Hague and Breda. Today, official international games allow 30 to 60 days for every 10 moves (Wikipedia).
You each need a board and a simple way to write moves, like "pawn to e4." Send one move a day and leave the board set up where you'll walk past it. A game can last weeks.
7. Hide a pin in your city
Hide and seek on a map. The hider picks a public place in their own city: the park where they run, the café they work from. The other asks a few yes-or-no questions ("Is it within a mile of your work?") and then guesses the spot on a map, one question a day if you like.
It does double duty: your partner gets a game, and you get to show them where you actually spend your days. Keep it to public places, never your home or anywhere close to it.
Planque turns this into a game you can send as a link. You pick a play area (one street or a whole city) and drop a secret pin, and you can add a clue. Your partner plays their turn whenever they have a minute. They spend a few questions (radar, hot or cold, same district? and nearest metro), the game answers on its own, and each answer clears part of the map. Then they tap where they think the pin is, and every question they didn't use becomes points. You get a ping as they get closer. On days when neither of you has hidden anything, there's a new daily hide for everyone, so you can both play it and compare notes. It's on iPhone and Android.
If you like this kind of game, see how a much bigger version works across whole cities in our hide and seek guide.
8. The one-line story
One of you writes the first line of a story; each day, the other adds one line. Agree on one rule to keep it on track (a genre, or a word every line must use), and end it on your next visit by reading it out loud together.
9. Close-up photo guessing
Send an extreme close-up photo of something from your day (the corner of a mug, the bark of a tree on your street). Your partner gets three guesses, then it's their turn. Over a few weeks you build a strange, lovely collection of each other's lives.
Games to play over text
For the days when you're both busy and can only trade messages. Each turn takes seconds.
10. Two truths and a lie
Send three statements about yourself: two true, one false. Your partner picks the lie, then you reveal it (Wikipedia). In a long distance relationship, keep it about recent things ("Today I ate lunch standing up," "My boss said my name wrong," "I saw a dog in a raincoat"). It's catching up, disguised as a game.
11. This or that
One of you sends two options, the other picks one and sends the next pair. Mountains or beach? Early dinner or late dinner? Road trip or flight? It's simple, it never runs out, and it works in the thirty seconds before a meeting.
More ideas that work in a message thread are in our list of games to play with friends on the phone.
How to pick a game by schedule
- Count your overlap hours first. A free evening together means a live game. A few minutes of overlap means a slow game in the background, and the call saved for talking.
- Always have one slow game going. A half-finished chess game or story gives you something to send on days with no news.
- Match the game to the energy. The 36 questions need attention. Two truths and a lie works when you're tired.
- Take turns choosing. Let whoever had the harder week pick.
FAQ
What can we play if we're never awake at the same time?
Any game with one turn a day: chess by message, the one-line story, close-up photo guessing, or hiding a pin on a map of your city for the other one to find.
Do these work for long distance friends too?
Yes. Every game here works for two friends, and most work for a group chat too.
